Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Glass is Half Empty

Serving the past year and a half in the primary presidency has been eye-opening for me (to say the least). In all honesty, I have a love-hate relationship with my calling. There are some truths (faults mostly) about myself that I have come to realize - some I've always kinda known about:

1. I am selfish, especially with my time, and there are WAY too many meetings, trainings, temple trips, activities, etc. than there need to be.

2. I don't care much for church "social" activities. I dreaded them as a child/teenager/college student and still do. I much prefer just hanging out with my friends without a gazillion other people being there. Especially when there's usually a bunch of old people sitting around complaining that the kids are too loud and need to be told to sit down and be quiet.

3. I've learned that I'm not a big fan of the Boy Scout program and do not feel their budget should be partially subsidized by church funds (specifically primary funds). Maybe I'll feel differently in 3 years when Finn is 8. But I doubt it.

4. I hate hearing, "this is your calling, it's what you are supposed to do." I just want to shout back, "Um, this is a SERVICE calling. Truth is, I don't have to do anything. Don't like it, then release me." But I don't and I never will because I know it's childish.

5. It ruffles my feathers when someone says, "you have to invite 3 non-members to the ward BBQ/Dinner/Party/Social function and I want you to report the names of those you invited." Yeah, not going to happen. In fact, you'll be lucky if you see me there (remember fault #2).

Yes, I know, I have a poor attitude. Please, feel free to call me a sour-puss. Nothing new to me. I'm just opinionated and have strong feelings about lots of things (just ask Ryan). It's just in my blood.

But it's not all bad - I did say it was a love-hate relationship. In fact I have found a lot of positive in this calling.

1. I love LOVE the children. I love knowing who they are and what they like to do. I love being able to hear them sing every Sunday, to listen to their funny comments, and to see them learn & grow. It's so humbling to be with these kids each week. It's the main reason I haven't thrown in the towel yet. The children really do make everything worthwhile.

2. Sacrifice is necessary for blessings to be received. I know this because many of the blessings that I have received have come when it's been extremely difficult to function in a calling and I put aside my own desires & criticism to serve the Lord and His children. I've grown closer to my Heavenly Father as I pray for help when I struggle to do what is asked of me.

3. I have made some awesome friends in my calling. Having been put into the calling after being in the ward a few months, I really didn't know a ton of people. But my calling has given me a small group of friends that I love. In fact, they are the main reason I occasionally put aside my dislike of church "social" functions.

It's been a trying calling but also a rewarding calling and I can't imagine serving anywhere else right now in my life. I love Primary. I just have to remember this when all the leadership stuff gets on my nerves.


Jen Howick said...

I like your comment #3 in the positive section! But I wish you would put your dislike aside a little bit more! ;)

Sugar & Spice said...

amen sister.